1971.
I had been a Jesus-follower for a year.
God had led me to not date anyone, for the purpose of focusing on knowing Jesus. What a great and important year that was for me!
1972. That's when I met Linda, and slowly, carefully, began to fall in love with her.
Our relationship was Jesus-centered. This included abstaining from sexual activity, even kissing. We were not trying to use each other to get personal pleasure. Were we "dating?" If so, not in the usual cultural way. It was beautiful! And, I still had so much to learn about how to love another person as Jesus loves them.
It was going so well that I thought we would never disagree and argue. That bubble eventually got burst. We had our first argument.
I cannot remember what it was about. I do remember engaging in some powerful logical reasoning. Surely, I thought, Linda will see that I was right, and she was wrong. But that bubble also got burst, when God told me, "John, she's right. You are wrong."
As I heard those words, I knew they were correct. I'm wrong. This knowledge created another problem, which was: I never admitted it when I was wrong. So, I kept arguing.
I have the powerful gift of defending myself and attacking the other person, even when I know I am wrong. I had taken and aced the "Argumentation and Debate" class at Northern Illinois University. When the class was over the professor, who led the university Debate Team, invited me to be on the team. I chose not to, but my overconfident ego was expanding.
As I was pressing my argument against Linda, God told me this. "John, not only are you wrong in your argument, you also are wrong in continuing to argue when you know you are wrong."
That's when I came to my senses. I had two things to say to Linda.
- I am wrong, you are right.
- I kept arguing even though I knew I was wrong and you are right.
FOR MORE HELP SEE:
Forgive, by Tim Keller
Caring Enough to Forgive, by David Augsburger
Forgive and Forget, by Lewis Smedes
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