In a month Linda and I will celebrate our 51st wedding anniversary. We are both thankful for having these wonderful years of life together!
We're not the perfect marriage. Acknowledging this helps us be better life partners.
One thing that has helped us is that we communicate about and coordinate our busy schedules, meetings, desires, and obligations. We do this every day, usually in the morning, or the evening before.
We ask each other questions, such as...
"What is your schedule today?"
"What do you want to get done today?"
"How can I help you today?"
"What time will we have together today?"
"Are you OK with me doing this (_______) today?"
"What do we need to do together today?"
"What commitments do we have this week?"
"What shall we do for dinner tonight?"
"What do you need to talk about?"
We ask questions like these. Because we do this all the time, responding to them often takes little time.
We want to share expectations, and be on the same page.
We let each other know what we are up to. For example, Linda might tell me, "I'm doing laundry this morning. Do you have clothes that need washing?"
I always let her know where I am going. Today, e.g., I said, "I'm going to Panera Bread to get a coffee." And later, I said, "I'm going upstairs to work in the office."
This is not rocket science. We always let each other know what we are doing and where we are going, even if it's just going outside to water the flowers. And, we are willing to give up our agendas for the sake of the other.
Linda is excellent at keeping a datebook. We meet together, and she brings her datebook with her. She says, "Remember, John, that we have the graduation party this Saturday at 1."
We communicate like this because we are not single anymore. We are doing life together.
Coordinating our schedules is a way of honoring one another. In doing this, expectations become clear. Uncommunicated expectations breed marital conflict.
For us, this is one secret to a healthy marriage.
