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| (Crossing Lake Michigan on The Badger) |
I'm thinking again of the inmate at Marion
(Ohio) State Correctional Center who asked me to pray for him because he could
not forgive himself for killing his parents. One reason that request affected
me so much is that I have, in some cases of my own moral and spiritual failure,
felt unable to forgive myself. I meet many people plagued by
the hell-designed incapacity to self-forgive. How can we overcome this?
Everett Worthington says that "repentance and humility are at the core of breaking free from self-blame." (Worthington, Moving Forward: Six Steps to Forgiving Yourself and Breaking Free from the Past, p. 76)
Everett Worthington says that "repentance and humility are at the core of breaking free from self-blame." (Worthington, Moving Forward: Six Steps to Forgiving Yourself and Breaking Free from the Past, p. 76)
To be repentant and humble people need
to do three things:
1.
Accept responsibility
for their wrongdoing.
2.
Feel and show regret and
remorse for what they did.
3.
Realize that making up
for the wrongdoing and repairing the relationships damaged by the wrongdoing is
going to be costly in time, effort, and self-sacrifice. (In Ib., 77)
Failure to accept
responsibility "shoots forgiveness in the foot - and makes it difficult for
the one we harmed to forgive us as well." (Ib.)
Conversely, three things
render self-forgiveness impossible:
1.
Acting like a victim,
and blaming others for your wrongdoing.
2.
Showing little or no
remorse for what you did.
3.
Expecting that repairing
the damaged relationships will be a quick fix (which often leads to blaming
others for their "inability to forgive").
