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| Weko Beach, Michigan |
Someone in my church family asked me to say some things about "honor." So, here are a few ideas.
HONOR-ABILITIES
Honor is respect for other people. This does not mean you agree with everything other people say. Honor is a way of treating other people. Remember that Jesus said "Honor your father and mother." (Matthew 15:4) He does not add, "only if you agree with them about everything." 1 Peter 2:7 says, "Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor." (Even the emperor? Think about it. Do not get your ethics from the media.)
Honor thinks of other people before it thinks of oneself. Romans 12:10 says, "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves."
Honor thinks of other people before it thinks of oneself. Romans 12:10 says, "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves."
Honor dignifies others. Honor does not talk negatively about people behind their back. That's called slander. Or gossip. Slander is saying something about a person behind their back that you would never say to their face.
Honor is different from flattery or sucking up to people, which are forms of dishonor. Flattery is saying something to someone's face that you would never say about them behind their back.
Honor does not gripe or complain about other people behind their back. To do that is to take what John Bevere called "the bait of Satan," and dangle Satan's bait before the ears of others.
Honor is different from flattery or sucking up to people, which are forms of dishonor. Flattery is saying something to someone's face that you would never say about them behind their back.
Honor does not gripe or complain about other people behind their back. To do that is to take what John Bevere called "the bait of Satan," and dangle Satan's bait before the ears of others.
Honor listens. Honor has "ears to hear."
Honor is a subcategory of love. Love is the great umbrella, beneath which honor is one of love's expressions. Honor is one way of expressing love.
Honor does not discriminate.
Honor does not enable the transgressions of others. Enabling people in their failure is dishonoring.
Dishonor is disrespect. Dishonor disses others; honor elevates others.
Dishonor judges before understanding. Honor works to understand before evaluating or judging. Judging before understanding is the game of fools; understanding before judging is wisdom.
Dishonor judges before understanding. Honor works to understand before evaluating or judging. Judging before understanding is the game of fools; understanding before judging is wisdom.
A culture of honor extends to isolated people. Dishonor plays favorites.
Honor-able people are people capable of treating others according to their true identities, as sons and daughters of God.
Real Church cultivates an honor culture. We may not agree with everything and everyone, but we never dishonor one another.
Real Church cultivates an honor culture. We may not agree with everything and everyone, but we never dishonor one another.
What if someone has not honored you, and hurt you? With these honor-principles (honor-abilities) in your heart, you are ready to go to the person. Note: If this person is going to abuse you, then bring a church leader with you.
Pray. For yourself, and the person, that truth will be spoken in love. You are going to the person because you love them, and you want to make the situation right.
Speak for your own self, and not for others. Do not say things like, "Many others are upset with you too." If you know of someone else who is upset, direct them to the person, just as you are doing. If they refuse to do this, they have taken what John Bevere called "the bait of Satan." Have no part in this.
When you speak to the person, begin with love. Begin your sentences with "I," rather than "you." Instead of saying "You upset me," own your feeling with words like "I feel upset _____________." Fill in the blank with a behavior; e.g., "I felt angry when you did not call me when you said you would." Or, "I felt angry when you called me irresponsible." "You"-language puts the other person on the defensive; "I"-language acknowledges your responsibility in the relationship. For how to do this, read this.
Do not use negative descriptive adjectives when confronting the person in love (like these). Behind every adjective there is a judgment. You are not the judge of the other person, and do not want to come off that way to them. Instead, refer to behaviors.
Listen to the person, for the sake of understanding. Your goal is understanding, more than it is agreement. Remember that you cannot begin to agree or disagree until you understand.
Be prepared to confess and forgive. You both may need to do this. For how to do this, read this, and this. And, see "The First Two Steps in Relationship Restoration."
Follow this template, concerning speaking the truth in love. Have these attitudes, not only in your words, but in your countenance and behavior.
Pray. For yourself, and the person, that truth will be spoken in love. You are going to the person because you love them, and you want to make the situation right.
Speak for your own self, and not for others. Do not say things like, "Many others are upset with you too." If you know of someone else who is upset, direct them to the person, just as you are doing. If they refuse to do this, they have taken what John Bevere called "the bait of Satan." Have no part in this.
When you speak to the person, begin with love. Begin your sentences with "I," rather than "you." Instead of saying "You upset me," own your feeling with words like "I feel upset _____________." Fill in the blank with a behavior; e.g., "I felt angry when you did not call me when you said you would." Or, "I felt angry when you called me irresponsible." "You"-language puts the other person on the defensive; "I"-language acknowledges your responsibility in the relationship. For how to do this, read this.
Do not use negative descriptive adjectives when confronting the person in love (like these). Behind every adjective there is a judgment. You are not the judge of the other person, and do not want to come off that way to them. Instead, refer to behaviors.
Listen to the person, for the sake of understanding. Your goal is understanding, more than it is agreement. Remember that you cannot begin to agree or disagree until you understand.
Be prepared to confess and forgive. You both may need to do this. For how to do this, read this, and this. And, see "The First Two Steps in Relationship Restoration."
Follow this template, concerning speaking the truth in love. Have these attitudes, not only in your words, but in your countenance and behavior.
Listen, understand, assert, love. To do these is to be honor-able.
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My two books are:
My two books are:
