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| (Monroe County) |
Some people are control freaks, others are controlees. Many marriages are the coming together of these two types. Every control freak needs a controlee, and vice versa. There are a lot of "master/slave" marriages out there.
We all struggle with the control thing. I know I have. "Control" is the antithesis of "trust." Trust is huge in the Jesus-life, and life in general, since we control so very, very little. Keith Miller writes: "control is the major factor in destroying intimate relationships." (Compelled to Control: Recovering Intimacy in Broken Relationships, 7) This includes our relationship with God, because without trust it is impossible to please Him.
Why do we do this? Why do we try to control others, even while we can't control our own selves, being out of control and lacking self-control? Miller writes:
"The fear of being revealed as a failure, as not being "enough" somehow, is a primary feeling that leads to the compulsion to control other people. When we were children, the fear of being inadequate and shameful was tied to our terror of being deserted or rejected and we had little control over getting what we needed. To counteract that basic terror, we have evidently been trying all our lives in various ways to "get control" of life. This includes controlling other people." (14)
God wants to free us from the terrible burden of always having to get our own way. "Walking in freedom" and "controlling other people" ("always getting our own way") are antithetical.
I'm praying to be less controlling, and more trusting in God when it comes to others. Plus, we really cannot control another person, right? A controlling master might get a slave's body to obey, but they will never capture their heart.
We all struggle with the control thing. I know I have. "Control" is the antithesis of "trust." Trust is huge in the Jesus-life, and life in general, since we control so very, very little. Keith Miller writes: "control is the major factor in destroying intimate relationships." (Compelled to Control: Recovering Intimacy in Broken Relationships, 7) This includes our relationship with God, because without trust it is impossible to please Him.
Why do we do this? Why do we try to control others, even while we can't control our own selves, being out of control and lacking self-control? Miller writes:
"The fear of being revealed as a failure, as not being "enough" somehow, is a primary feeling that leads to the compulsion to control other people. When we were children, the fear of being inadequate and shameful was tied to our terror of being deserted or rejected and we had little control over getting what we needed. To counteract that basic terror, we have evidently been trying all our lives in various ways to "get control" of life. This includes controlling other people." (14)
God wants to free us from the terrible burden of always having to get our own way. "Walking in freedom" and "controlling other people" ("always getting our own way") are antithetical.
I'm praying to be less controlling, and more trusting in God when it comes to others. Plus, we really cannot control another person, right? A controlling master might get a slave's body to obey, but they will never capture their heart.
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Note: If you are a controlee who cannot set boundaries, you must read Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No.
