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| Grand Haven, Lake Michigan |
Henri Nouwen was open about his struggle with
self-hatred. He found the antidote to this heart-disease in a life of prayerful
dwelling in God's presence. Few have written so well about this spiritual
battle. I thank God often for Nouwen, and how God has used him to lead me out
of my own self-obsession.
Tthe apostle Paul knew that
our pre-Jesus condition finds ourselves with this situation: I find this law at work: Although I want to do
good, evil is right there with me. When
we become Jesus-followers this situation is defeated within us, and we discover
that God's love now reigns in our hearts. In spite of this, the
powers of darkness come to accuse us, even "day and night."[1]
This
should not surprise us. Nouwen writes:
"As you see more clearly that your vocation is to be a
witness to God's love in this world, and as you become more determined to live
out that vocation, the attacks of the enemy will increase. You will hear voices
saying, "You are worthless, you have nothing to offer, you are
unattractive, undesirable, unlovable." The more you sense God's call, the
more you will discover in your own soul the cosmic battle between God and
Satan. Do not be afraid. Keep deepening your conviction that God's love for you
is enough, that you are in safe hands, and that you are being guided every step
of the way. Don't be surprised by demonic attacks. They will increase, but as
you face them without fear, you will discover that they are powerless."[2]
To hear what
Nouwen described as "the inner voice of love" requires much
intentional time dwelling in God's presence. When I assign my seminary students
to do this, and read their spiritual journals, it is common to see the words:
"Today God told me that he loved me."
Do not expect to follow after
Jesus and escape the voices of hatred. But the fire will be extinguished from
their darts as the knowledge of God’s love is deepened in your own heart.
I know in my mind that God’s
love is enough for me. I am praying for this truth to descend from my mind and
become my heart.
