When You Wage Marital War, Obtain Guidance

(A marriage in trouble - Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner in "The War of the Roses.")

It's Monday morning, and snow is lightly falling upon the foot of snow we got last week. Linda and I are sitting in our quiet living room. She's reading Proverbs.

"Listen to this one," she says. "Plans are established by seeking advice; so if you wage war, obtain guidance."

"Wow! Where's that one at?"

"Proverbs 20:18."

In a tribal culture like that of the ancient Hebrews it was socially acceptable to seek advice and obtain guidance. In an individuated culture such as our's asking others for counsel, especially if we are "waging war," is more a sign of weakness. Especially, in general, for men. My experience is that women are more open to asking for help in the midst of marital battle than men are.

I'm applying this verse to marriages in conflict. If you are maritally battling you probably won't figure this out yourself. This is because who you are and what tools you've got have gotten you into this battle zone. What you need is another perspective from a wise counselor. If you are unable to achieve peace, obtain guidance. It takes humility to do this, and it is wisdom.