Over the years it has been my privilege to offer counsel to people, upon their request. If persons do not ask my counsel, then I don't offer it, since unasked-for counsel is usually received as criticism. I learned this from watching Dr. John Powell of University Baptist Church in East Lansing. John and his wife Bev were in a home group with Linda and I. John is one of the wisest men I have ever met. Professionally he was a Prof. of Psychology at Michigan State University. John has so much wisdom to offer! Part of it was the wisdom and self-control to not offer it to those who have not asked.
More than occasionally I have someone ask for my counsel and not receive it. To me the counselor-counselee relationship is not one in which the counselee debates with the counselor. While debate is fun and there is a place for it, I don't view it as productive when the matter is giving and receiving counsel.
When someone asks for my counsel on a situation, I give the best of what I have. While it may not be helpful, or may even be wrong, since I've been asked I do my best. Sometimes this involves correcting a person. When this happens with permission it is appropriate and, really, what the person is looking for. Consider the guitar teacher-student relationship. If my student is making a chord in the wrong way I tell them. This is not to criticize them (which would be absurd) but to help them. They want to play well, and I can assist. So, they will have to change some of their guitar-playing ways.
What if the counselee rejects it? Then I am no longer their counselor. Proverbs 1:23 says: "If you had responded to my rebuke, I would have poured out my heart to you and made my thoughts known to you." When there's no response, there's no more outpouring.
I especially like Proverbs 1:29-31, which says: "Since they hated knowledge, since they would not accept my advice, they will eat the fruit of their ways." Guitar-wise, this is translated: "Since you hated my instruction and refused to practice, your ears will listen to guitar mediocrity."
When I've broken off a counseling relationship I want to do it in love. I tell the person "I am no longer your counselor." This should be obvious if the person does not follow my counsel. It's unhealthy for the counselee to stay in a pseudo-counseling relationship. It is a waste of time to keep meeting (or taking guitar lessons) if you won't follow the asked-for advice (or practice the guitar). This kind of "counselee" will often go looking for a "counselor" who will only tell them what they want to hear. Which means they never really wanted counsel in the first place.
