Last night I dreamt that I was in a foreign country with Linda and my sons. I left them for a moment. Suddenly, there were evil people with guns surrounding me, separating me from my family. As if in a dream (which I was), I escaped the bad guys, and searched for the family. Finally I saw them. That's when I awoke out of the dream, still feeling its fearful effect on me. Where did this dream come from?
It came from watching one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Yes, worse than the Indiana Jones - Crystal Skull thing (if anything could ever be worse than that!); yes, worse than "Elf." Before going to bed last night Linda and I watched Nicholas Cage in "Knowing." I chose it because on the dvd cover Roger Ebert gives it a thumbs-up. After watching it I am dumbfounded. Did Ebert and I watch the same movie? Is Ebert out of his crystal skull?
Stop here for a moment. Because I find this astonishing. Ebert writes: ""Knowing" is among the best science-fiction films I've seen -- frightening, suspenseful, intelligent and, when it needs to be, rather awesome... The plot involves the most fundamental of all philosophical debates: Is the universe deterministic or random? Is everything in some way preordained or does it happen by chance? If that questions sounds too abstract, wait until you see this film, which poses it in stark terms: What if we could know in advance when the Earth will end?" I cannot believe I am reading this. "Knowing" is an insult to philosophy as well as acting and writing and creativity and intelligence. Ebert's former partner Gene Siskel, who had a B.A. in philosophy, now cries out from the grave...
I fell asleep half-way through "Knowing." I knew I would miss nothing. I came out of unconsciousness as the film was, mercifully, nearing its end. But oh, what a sorry ending. I asked Linda if we could fast-forward to the credits so I could see if anyone would want to take credit for the thing. The film's end combines ET, Close Encounters, crystal-skull-istic moods, Gladiator-type digital wheatfields with children running through them, New York City being again destroyed by a tsunami of fire, Times Square once again going down in the inferno, Nicholas Cage with a silly blank look on his face akin to Tom Cruise's mono-face in "Valkyrie," arguably the most ridiculous disconnect of background music and end-of-the-world annihilation ever, ending with earth as a french fry.
Then, for me, a tsunami of relief as I realized that this has ended. Then to bed. Then "Knowing" launches one more attack in the form of my nightmare. Now, I write as self-catharsis. Some things in life must be un-known.
