Guidelines for Civil Discourse: #1 - Love Others

Flicker, in my back yard

(I don't read what people post on social media. I don't have time to do this. I am on Facebook, but I unfollow everyone except my family and our church staff. 

I'm not on Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumbler, Snapchat, or Whatsapp. Or anything.  

I post this blog to Facebook. Some respond to my blog, and I often interact with them. Thank you.

I have always been a culture-watcher. I am interested in human behavior. I study moral behavior and its sources like a madman. I am interested in how we Jesus-followers should live and act and have our being. 

I have personal experience with humans abusing each other verbally. Even among Christians. Even, sadly, at times, me.

This post is about how someone who claims to follow Jesus should conduct themselves, in any medium, in all human interaction.)

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If you are a follower of Jesus, this is for us. 

Though the world fails in civility, we must engage in civil discourse.

Our foundation for civil discourse is love. We are to love others, in our behaviors. With the love of God, exemplified in Jesus. We must love like Jesus loves.

This includes those who disagree with us. It encompasses our enemies. They are among our "neighbors."

Love is the sign, the mark, that we are what we declare we are; viz., Christians. If we don't love, we have nothing. (See 1 Corinthians 13) If we don't love, we don't have our identity, at least in the eyes of others.

Jesus affirms the call to love in John 13:34-35:

“A new command I give you: 

Love one another. 

As I have loved you, 

so you must love one another. 

By this everyone will know 

that you are my disciples, 

if you love one another.”

People will know that you and I are with Jesus as we love one another. If we fail to do this, we will be considered to be far from Jesus. Or, people will think of Jesus through the lens of our rudeness and uncivility.

When Christians hate one another on social media, they fail to display what is supposed to be their distinguishing mark; viz., love. When we get disgusted, show irritation, demean, mock, slander, ridicule, or bully, we dishonor people made in God's image. And bring shame upon our Lord.

Francis Schaeffer, in his classic The Mark of the Christian, writes:

"We are to love our fellowmen, to love all men, in fact, as neighbors. 
All men bear the image of God. They have value, not because they are redeemed, but because they are God’s creation in God’s image. Modern man, who has rejected this, has no clue as to who he is, and because of this he can find no real value for himself or for other men. Hence, he downgrades the value of other men and produces the horrible thing we face today—a sick culture in which men treat men as inhuman, as machines. As Christians, however, we know the value of men. 
All men are our neighbors, and we are to love them as ourselves. We are to do this on the basis of creation, even if they are not redeemed, for all men have value because they are made in the image of God. Therefore they are to be loved even at great cost." (Schaeffer, pp. 15-16)

It is clear, is it not, that in all our discourse with people we are to love them. This is the higher ground, where Jesus was suspended on a cross.

The love principle applies even when in sharp disagreement with others. Remember that to love is not equivalent to affirmation, and that disagreement is not a justification for hatred.


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My books are:

Praying: Reflections on 40 Years of Solitary Conversations with God

Leading the Presence-Driven Church

Encounters with the Holy Spirit (co-edited with Janice Trigg)

Deconstructing Progressive Christianity

31 Letters to the Church on Discipleship

31 Letters to the Church on Praying

The Great Invasion: 31 Days of Christmas 

Guidelines for Civil Discourse: #2 - Never Mock People

 

                                                            (Lake Erie - Monroe, MI)

(I am re-posting this to keep it in play.

I don't read what people post on social media. I don't have time to do this. I am on Facebook, but I unfollow everyone except my family and our church staff.) 

I'm not on Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumbler, Snapchat, or Whatsapp. Or anything.  

I post this blog to Facebook. Some respond to my blog, and I often interact with them. Thank you.

I have always been a culture-watcher. I am very interested in human behavior. I study moral behavior and its sources like a madman. I am supremely interested in how we Jesus-followers should live and act and have our being.

 
I have much personal experience with humans abusing each other verbally. Even among Christians. Even, sadly, at times, me.

This post is about how someone who claims to follow Jesus should conduct themselves, in any medium, in all human interaction.)

Followers of Jesus are never to mock or ridicule other people.

Never. Ever. 

Mockery and ridicule are opponents of agape love. They reside in the camp of conditional love. ("If you agreed with my position, then I would not show my disgust towards you.")

Every person is made in the imago dei, the image of God. To mock and ridicule a person, no matter who they are or what they believe or disbelieve, is to mock that person's Maker. If you mock someone's children, you also mock them. This is how it is in tribal communities.

Slow-cook in the book of Proverbs and apply.

How long will you who are simple 

love your simple ways? 

How long will mockers delight in mockery 

and fools hate knowledge?

Proverbs 1:22

He mocks proud mockers 

but shows favor to the humble and oppressed.

Proverbs 3:34

If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you; 

if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer.

Proverbs 9:12

The mocker seeks wisdom and finds none, 

but knowledge comes easily to the discerning.

Proverbs 14:6

Penalties are prepared for mockers, 

and beatings for the backs of fools.

Proverbs 19:29

The proud and arrogant person

—“Mocker” is his name— 

behaves with insolent fury.

Proverbs 21:24

Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; 

quarrels and insults are ended.

Proverbs 22:10

Mockers stir up a city, 

but the wise turn away anger.

Proverbs 29:8

How shall we live the command to love our neighbor? By mocking them?

How shall we give witness to the sign that we belong to Jesus? By mocking one another?

How shall we be blessed as peacemakers? By ridiculing those who disagree with us?

Is mockery among the fruit of the Spirit?

Shall we build up the body of Christ using the spiritual gift of ridicule?

Is not any fellowship with the company of mockers called wickedness? (Psalm 1:1)

To mock and ridicule others that do not think like you is non-redemptive, only causing existing divisions to separate further. 

(In logic, mockery and ridicule are types of informal fallacies, called ad hominem abusives. To verbally abuse someone not only adds nothing to an argument, it diminishes the argument.)

***

See also - 

Guidelines for Civil Discourse: #1 - Love Others

Real Love is Nonpossessive (Escaping the Tyranny of Self-Rejection)

Lake Michigan sunset

Henri Nouwen believed the key moment of Jesus' life was the affirmation from the Father at the moment of Jesus' baptism: "This is my beloved son, with whom I am well pleased."

This was the core of Jesus' identity.

It is yours, as well. You are God's beloved son, or daughter. This comes down to the basic truth that God is love, and God loves you. (These three words, "God loves you," spoken to me by someone when I was twenty-one, ignited a transforming, purging fire in my soul.)

The deep knowing of God's love frees us from a manipulating, false "love" in our relationships. We no longer love out of our own need to be liked and affirmed. We are free to love and give, with no expectation of being loved in return. This is real love. This is the love of God.

Nouwen believed that "friendship becomes a lot more freeing once we recognize the truth that we are deeply loved because then we are released to love others nonpossessively (IVL: 80)." (Will Hernandez, Henri Nouwen and Spiritual Polarities: A Life of Tension, Kindle Locations 823-824)

"Knowing and owning this truth of our belovedness helps us escape the tyranny of self-rejection that plagues many of us," (Ib.)

***

***

Two of my books are:

Leading the Presence-Driven Church

Praying: Reflections on 40 Years of Solitary Conversations with God

Love is Kind

There may be no better book to read on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 than Lewis Smedes' Love Within Limits: A Realist's View of 1 Corinthians 13.

Chapter 2 is - "Love is Kind."

Nietzsche, in one of his
gentler moments.

"Kindness," writes Smedes, "is the will to save; it is God's awesome power channeled into gentle healing. Kindness is love acting on persons." (11)

Love is powerful.

One quality of love is kindness.

Therefore, kindness is powerful.

The German atheist philosopher Nietzsche did not take kindly to this. Nietzsche hated Christianity (and especially Paul) for promoting kindness, which he saw as weakness and door-mat-ness. But "kindness," says Smedes, "is enormous strength - more than most of us have, except now and then." (Ib.)

"Kindness is the power that moves us to support and heal someone who offers nothing in return. Kindness is the power to move a self-centered ego toward the weak, the ugly, the hurt, and to move that ego to invest itself in personal care with no expectation of reward." (Ib.)

Only a free person can love this way. 

When I ask God to "set me free" I am thinking of this kind of thing; viz., freedom to love; freedom to be kind.

Being Loved by God Frees Us to Love Others

Torrey Pines, California

Henri Nouwen writes:

"Real freedom to live in this world comes from hearing clearly the truth about who we are, which is that we are the beloved. That’s what prayer is about. And that’s why it is so crucial and not just a nice thing to do once in a while. It is the essential attitude that creates in us the freedom to love other people not because they are going to love us back but because we are so loved and out of the abundance of that love we want to give." (Nouwen, A Spirituality of Living, pp. 15-16)

We are the beloved, the loved ones of God. God loves you.

Those were the first words from God I ever heard. I was twenty-one. A campus pastor, Marshall Foster, was talking to me and my roommate. I wasn't listening, because I was thinking how I could argue against this person. I asked him a question. A hard question. "I can't answer that one," he said. Then Marshall added, "But I do believe there is a God, and that he loves you." (Marshall is now Director of the World History Institute. Here he is doing a video with actor Kirk Cameron.)

That was it for me. I was undone.

Unraveling in the presence of the Lord.  (See Isaiah 6.)

God loves me.

I knew it, viscerally, existentially, ontologically. In my heart.

I have never been the same since.

I am God's beloved.

I must keep this truth always before me.

The heart-knowing of God's never-failing love for me frees me to love other people, regardless of whether they love in return.

God's love frees me to pray and love and live for others.

God's love unhinges me from the prison walls of hypothetical, theoretical love.


***
Two of my books are:

Leading the Presence-Driven Church

Praying: Reflections on 40 Years of Solitary Conversations with God.

Love Is What God Is

(Downy woodpecker in my backyard)

God is love. Love forms the very being of God.

"Love" is an essential attribute of God. Just as a triangle cannot not be three-sided, God cannot not-love.

Christian Trinitarian Theism best expresses this idea that God is love. In  this way.

1. God is a three-personed being. God is, essentially, a being-in-relationship.
2. God as Father-Son-Spirit makes conceptual sense of the idea that God is love. This is because "love" is relational. "Love" requires an "other," an object to-be-loved.
3. So, in the very being of God there is a unity of otherness. Which allows for love.

God's essence is love. Just as an apple has appleness, God cannot not-love you. 

God does not love you because there is some command external to his being he must follow. God is love, therefore all God's thoughts and actions are loving.

God's love for you is genuine, 100% pure-squeezed love.

This means that when God thinks of you, he has a good feeling. God likes you. You are God's child, his son, or his daughter.

God made you, and what he has made God calls "very good."

You are deeply loved by God. Nothing can change this because God is love.

Love Is Produced in You As You Abide in Jesus

(Snow pine in my back yard)

As we abide in Christ, like a branch connected to a vine, whatever is in the vine enters into us. So the agape love of Jesus is produced in us. This is not something we produce ourselves. The Spirit does this. "Trying hard" to be fruit-bearing does not work and ends up leaving a lot of people feeling condemned. Because if I am not loving enough then it must be because I'm not trying harder and working harder at this Jesus thing. 

To understand this I recommend two things:

1. Re-read and re-meditate on John chapters 14-15-16.
2. Purchase and read Dallas Willard's Getting Love Right - only $1 for your Kindle!

Willard defines agape love as "an overall condition of the embodied, social self poised to promote the goods of human life that are within its range of influence. It is, then, a disposition or character (a second-level potentiality or potency, in Aristotelian terminology): a readiness to act in a certain way under certain conditions."

Thus understood, agape love "is not an action, nor a feeling or emotion, nor, indeed , an intention, as “intention” is ordinarily understood —though it gives rise to intentions and to actions of a certain type, and is associated with some “feelings” and resistant to others. It is this understanding of agape love as an overall disposition of the human self that , alone , does justice to the teachings of Jesus and Paul and the New Testament about love and gives us a coherent idea of love that can be aimed at in practice and implemented."

This is whole-being love, and is not something one turns on or off like a faucet. Willard rightly says the orientation of agape love is life as a whole. One becomes a loving person, rather than being a person who sometimes chooses to love and at other times doesn't. 

Willard writes:

"Paul understood the fallacy of those who say “I just can’t love so and so,” and there they stop and give up on love. He knew that they were working at the wrong level. They should not try to love that person but try to become the kind of person who would love them (emphasis mine). Only so can the ideal of love pass into a real possibility and practice. Our aim under love is not to be loving to this or that person, or in this or that kind of situation, but to be a person possessed by love as an overall character of life, whatever is or is not going on. The “occasions” are met with from that overall character. I do not come to my enemy and then try to love them, I come to them as a loving person. 

Love is not a faucet to be turned on or off at will. God himself doesn’t just love me or you, he is love. He is creative will for all that is good. That is his identity, and explains why he loves individuals, even when he is not pleased with them. We are directed by Paul to “be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave himself up for us.” ( Eph. 5: 1-2) We are called and enabled to love as God loves." (Willard, op. cit., Kindle Locations 132-145)

God's great, boundless love cannot be self-manufactured. It is a production of the Spirit's forming us into greater and greater Christlikeness.

How to Communicate in Conflict

                                                                        (Ypsilanti, MI)

(Linda and I studied with David Augsburger in seminary. Here is one of the most important things God taught us through David.)

COMMUNICATION AS SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE (CARING + CONFRONTING; from David Augsburger, Caring Enough to Confront)

Ephesians 4:15 says: “therefore speak the truth in love; so shall we fully grow up into Christ.” Here we are told, in communication, to be both loving and truthful, caring and confronting.

Work at communicating both caring and confronting in the middle of marital or relational conflict.

Here are the attitudes to have and hold to.

SEE ALSO...

Be Slow to Anger - Three Tools for Communicating When in Conflict

How to Deal with Anger - Some Resources

Love Is Not an Entity to Be Worshiped

 

                                                              (Lake Erie, Monroe, MI)

For followers of Jesus, love is great. But love is not the greatest. First Corinthians 13 tells us that love is the greatest, among faith and hope. In the great triumvirate of faith, hope, and love, love takes first place.

As mighty as love is, love is not a thing. It is not a substance. It is not an entity. Love is not an object, nor is it a being, or a person. Therefore, love is not to be worshiped, since it is irrational to worship non-entities, be they physical or non-physical.

Love is a multi-faceted verb, manifesting itself in actions we call "loving," such as patience, kindness, gentleness, not easily angered, protective, trusting, and so on. While 1 Corinthians 13 appears to reify love, that's just a rhetorical device to elevate the behaviors associated with love. Love acts in certain ways, and does not act in certain other ways.

When the Bible says God is love, it is telling us that love is an essential attribute of the being of God. As an attribute of God, love is not to be worshiped. We don't worship attributes. Let's say, for example, that one of my attributes is weighs 170 pounds. (I wish this was true!) While weighs 170 pounds would be commendable, this attribute is not an entity or a substance which, in itself, is praiseworthy. We wouldn't expect someone, unless they are mentally incapacitated, to bow down and worship weighs 170 pounds.

Don't reify love. It's misleading, and false, to do that.

Don't bow before love and worship a verb.

Worship God who, in his being, is love.

Love Is Not the Greatest

 

                                                (Foggy Morning in Monroe County - 1/3/21)

(Some morning meditations on love...)

Is love great? Depending on your definition of love, yes.

Is love the greatest thing of all? No. Among the triad of faith, hope, and love, love wins. Love, biblical-style, is therefore greater than faith and hope. This does not say love is greater than all things. 1 Corinthians 13:13 reads - now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. Note the words "of these."

Love is not greater than Christ. One day, every knee shall bow, and every tongue confess, that Christ, not love, is lord of all.

Aren't Christ and love the same thing? No. Christ is a person. Love is a quality, an attribute, like "red," in "This apple is red."

In 1 Corinthians 13 love is a manifestation of the Holy Spirit's grace. But, of course, love is not the Holy Spirit.

God is love. But love is not God. There is an asymmetric relationship between God and love. 

Love is not a being. God is. God is Supreme Being. Love is one of God's essential attributes. Love is an inexorable manifestation of the being of God.

Love has no ontological status. Love is not some entity that exists apart from persons. The reality of love depends on persons. The love of God can manifest through persons who are connected to Jesus.

Love is an expression of the being of God. But, again, this does not mean that love is God. 

For followers of Jesus like myself, what does love look like? Love looks like Jesus. Therefore, I study Jesus. In studying Jesus, in coming to know Christ, I come to know love as He is love.

One result of studying and knowing Jesus is seeing that, throughout and to the cross, Jesus hates sin, and calls us to repentance. This, also, is love. Romans 2:4 says, Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin? (NLT)

Out of the heart of Jesus come words like, Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near! (John 4:16) Because it is not loving to coddle sin.  

This, in my mind, is where some Christian writers fail me. To me, they elevate love above Christ and, as a result, diminish both. One cannot simultaneously embrace Christ and sin and label it "love." To do this is to commit the sin of over-affirmation.

Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bible tells me so.

Worship Christ, not love. And in this way, know what love is.