Speaking in New York City - Jan. 2-3-4

 

2026 Christian Education Conference 

"Jesus - Our Living Hope"

FBS

Five Thanksgiving Choices

 

Today is Thanksgiving Day!

1. Take time to reflect on the blessings God has given you. I've made a gratitude list on my computer and printed it out. I've got the list in my pocket, and will pull it out and look at it several times today.

"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." 

- Thornton Wilder

2. Think of the people God has brought to add value to your life.

 

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."

- Albert Schweitzer 

3. Focus on what you have gained, not what you have lost. In the worship song "Blessed Be Your Name" we sing "You give and take away, You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, blessed be your name." I remember precious people I have lost. I think of what their lives have given to me.

"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." 

- Epictetus

4. Say "thank you" to others, in your words, attitudes, and actions. Today, serve people. To serve is to love. Servanthood is the overflow of a thankful heart.

"The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated."


-- William James

5. Let the words "Thank you, God" be your constant praise. 

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;

his love endures forever."

- 1 Chronicles 16:4

Transitioning to a Presence-Driven Church: Step One

 

(Grand Haven, Michigan)

When I do a "Presence-Driven Church conference or retreat, some ask the question, "What do we do now?" Here is how I see this.

Step One in transitioning to a Presence-Driven Church is this: the pastors/leaders  must engage in the ongoing abiding life. 

Do not view these teachings as tools for ministry. Rather, see yourself as instruments of righteousness being formed by the Father's hands. This is all about relationship with God, not programming the church. You need to spend time alone with God, otherwise you will not really understand, and you will not be credible.

Seek God, spend much time with God, for the sake of your own restoration and transformation. Begin to live in constant, abiding renewal.

Along the way, share stories of what God is doing, transformationally, in you. 

It is crucial that you not try to program this, or strive to make things happen. This is a slow-cooker, not a microwave.

In my experience, many Westernized pastors do not do this. And, among those who attend my classes and seminars, most do not continue in this. They fall back into the rut of, "I don't have enough time to pray."

For many pastors the praying life will be a revolutionary change. There will be resistance. Therefore, begin today, not tomorrow. Carve out relational time with God. This "step" is to continue and grow and increase until the day you stand fully in God's presence.

Remember how God spoke to you at the conference? Remember how restoring and renewing your solitary times with God were? It can be the same today. God did not remain at the conference center. He, Immanuel, is with you, presently. Trust and abide in him.

Don't force the issue with your people. Do not try to make things happen. Of course you want to share your experience with your people. But I suggest deepening the experience in yourself first. Pray, today, like you did at the conference. Do not bypass this step. (Refer to my book Praying about this.)

Slow-cook in God's presence, for weeks. Re-familiarize yourself with your God. "Forget about yourself, concentrate on Him, and worship Him." Tend the fire within.

With greater, growing familiarity, comes increasing discernment. Discernment is in direct proportion to familiarity. God will show you what to do, and when to do it.

Lead by being led. The Lord is your shepherd. You will not be wanting. And, you will bear much fruit.

Find another (or more) pastor-leader, and share together your experiences with God.

Then, along the way, discernment increases. God will lead you to lead your people into the abiding life, into God's beautiful, empowering presence.

When God says "Now!" preach, and teach, out of John chapters 14 & 15. 

***

My leadership book is Leading the Presence-Driven Church.

FIVE SIMPLE SECRETS TO A HEALTHY MARRIAGE

 

#1 - COMMUNICATE AND COORDINATE

 

                                                                     (At Toledo Zoo)

(I'm re-posting this to keep it in play.)

In August Linda and I celebrated our 52nd wedding anniversary. We are both thankful for having these wonderful years of life together!

We're not the perfect marriage. Acknowledging this helps us be better life partners.

One thing that has helped us is that we communicate about and coordinate our busy schedules, meetings, desires, and obligations. We do this every day, usually in the morning, or the evening before.

We ask each other questions, such as...

"What is your schedule today?"

"What do you want to get done today?"

"How can I help you today?"

"What time will we have together today?"

"Are you OK with me doing this (_______) today?"

"What do we need to do together today?"

"What commitments do we have this week?"

"What shall we do for dinner tonight?"

"What do you need to talk about?"

We ask questions like these. Because we do this all the time, responding to them often takes little time.

We want to share expectations, and be on the same page.

We let each other know what we are up to. For example, Linda might tell me, "I'm doing laundry this morning. Do you have clothes that need washing?"

I always let her know where I am going. Today, e.g., I said, "I'm going to Panera Bread to get a coffee." And later, I said, "I'm going upstairs to work in the office."

This is not rocket science. We always let each other know what we are doing and where we are going, even if it's just going outside to water the flowers. And, we are willing to give up our agendas for the sake of the other.

Linda is excellent at keeping a datebook. We meet together, and she brings her datebook with her. She says, "Remember, John, that we have the graduation party this Saturday at 1."

We communicate like this because we are not single anymore. We are doing life together. 

Coordinating our schedules is a way of honoring one another. In doing this, expectations become clear. Uncommunicated expectations breed marital conflict.

For us, this is one secret to a healthy marriage.

#2 - Say "Thank you" (Often)

 

                                                       (Saugatuck, MI)

In summer 2024 Linda and I celebrated our 51st wedding anniversary. We drove four hours to a Michigan beach town and spent four days together.

We walked, talked, sat on the beach, read books, had some good meals, sat by the pool, browsed, shopped, ate some fudge, and I had cherry peach pie. On the way home Linda led us in a praying time.

We gave gifts. And said the words, "Thank you."

"Thank you" is part of our marital arsenal. "Thank you" is a super weapon. We say these words, to each other, a lot.

"Thank you for the gift."

"Thank you for mowing the lawn."

"Thank you for the tuna salad sandwich."

"Thank you for doing the dishes."

"Thank you for finding my phone."

"Thank you for the reminder."

"Thank you for washing the clothes."

"Thank you for making the bed."

"Thank you for vacuuming." 

"Thank you for the flowers."

"Thank you for all you do for me."

Thank you, thank you, thank you...

When people fail to say "Thank you" it can come off as entitlement. We see the entitlement disease in Luke 17:11-19.

11 Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. 12 As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy[a] met him. They stood at a distance 13 and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!”

14 When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” 

And as they went, they were cleansed.

15 One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. 16 He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.

17 Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? 18 Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?” 

19 Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.”

When you stop saying "Thank you," often, you are taking the other person for granted.

Saying "Thank you" places you in a vulnerable position. This is why some don't say the words.

We don't have the perfect marriage. But we have both told God "Thank you," countless times, for bringing us together. We spoke these words again, both to God and to each other, as we celebrated 51 years.

Saying "Thank you" is one of our little secrets to a healthy marriage.

#3 - ALL WE HAVE TOGETHER BELONGS TO GOD

 

When I married Linda I had some debt. I had student loans to cover tuition and housing for my freshman and sophomore years

I spent the money. I also flunked out of college at the end of my sophomore year. 

I eventually got back in college. But I had to pay off the wasted student loan. 

When I married Linda, we both understood that we were now "one flesh." We were a team. We did not believe that she had her money, and I had my money. Instead, all that we had, collectively, was God's, with us as the stewards of what we have.

And of what we owed. My loan indebtedness was now Linda's as well.

For us, it goes like this. If I make a dollar a week, and Linda makes $1000 a week, together we make $1001. And it all belongs to God. We are then called to be good stewards of what God has given us.

A huge part of this stewardship was, and still is, keeping a budget. That we both look at together, and both agree on.

This means we agree on how the money is to be spent. In addition to a mortgage, car payment, utilities, food, clothing, insurance, and other essentials (the loan!), we sometimes had extra money. We did not spend this extra money without talking together about it. Early in our marriage, we both agreed that neither of us would make a purchase over $50 without asking the other if this seemed right to them.

We continue this to this day. This has served us well in our fifty-one years of marriage!

The key principles are:

1) Everything we have belongs to God.

2) We are the stewards of what God has given us.

3) We have a monthly budget.

4) We communicate about finances.

#4 - FORGIVE ONE ANOTHER

 

1971.

I had been a Jesus-follower for a year. 

God had led me to not date anyone, for the purpose of focusing on knowing Jesus. What a great and important year that was for me!

1972. That's when I met Linda, and slowly, carefully, began to fall in love with her. 

Our relationship was Jesus-centered. This included abstaining from sexual activity, even kissing. We were not trying to use each other to get personal pleasure. Were we "dating?" If so, not in the usual cultural way. It was beautiful! And, I still had so much to learn about how to love another person as Jesus loves them.

It was going so well that I thought we would never disagree and argue. That bubble eventually got burst. We had our first argument.

I cannot remember what it was about. I do remember engaging in some powerful logical reasoning. Surely, I thought, Linda will see that I was right, and she was wrong. But that bubble also got burst, when God told me, "John, she's right. You are wrong."

As I heard those words, I knew they were correct. I'm wrong. This knowledge created another problem, which was: I never admitted it when I was wrong. So, I kept arguing.

I have the powerful gift of defending myself and attacking the other person, even when I know I am wrong. I had taken and aced the "Argumentation and Debate" class at Northern Illinois University. When the class was over the professor, who led the university Debate Team, invited me to be on the team. I chose not to, but my overconfident ego was expanding.

As I was pressing my argument against Linda, God told me this. "John, not only are you wrong in your argument, you also are wrong in continuing to argue when you know you are wrong."

That's when I came to my senses. I had two things to say to Linda.

1. I am wrong, you are right.
2. I kept arguing even though I knew I was wrong and you are right.

And then, these words came out of my mouth: "Would you forgive me for doing that."

That was new territory for me. I thought Linda might exit our relationship. Who would want to be with someone who, when they were wrong, could not admit it?

Linda said, "John, I forgive you."

And then we laughed. A lot. 

We've been married fifty-two years, this coming summer. Admitting we are wrong when we are wrong is built into the DNA of our marriage.

We have both said, to each other, these words, countless times.

"I was wrong."

"You were right."

"Please forgive me for talking that way to you."

"Please forgive me for not listening to you."

"I love you."

"I forgive you."

FOR MORE HELP SEE:

Forgive, by Tim Keller

Caring Enough to Forgive, by David Augsburger

Forgive and Forget, by Lewis Smedes

#5 - SERVE ONE ANOTHER

 

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Ephesians 5:21.

In doing life, Linda and I do not compete against each other. Because...

we are on the same team.

We do life together.

We don't keep score. 

For example, when I had my hip replacement surgery, I recovered at home. We rented a surgical bed, where I slept. During my rehab, Linda waited on me. And kept the house clean. And did the shopping. And meal planning and making. With love and joy.

When there are times when Linda is sidelined with illness, I do the same for her. I serve her, and do not keep a mental record of all the hours I am putting in. We don't owe each other anything. That's how it is, when you serve one another out of love, and for the team.

'Entitlement' is not in a servant's mental lexicon.

"Who serves the most?" We have never entertained this question.

We are not perfect. And yet, we defer. We are always asking questions like these.

"Can I get you anything?"

"How can I help you?"

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Let me do this for you."

And, always humming in the background, is this: "How can we help each other flourish?"

Taking Religion Seriously (Now Reading)

 

At my age, with a sense of what God is calling me to do, I cannot not read and study. 

My reading and studies group into categories. For example, I continue to read in the area of metaphor theory and hermeneutics. And philosophical issues like free will and determinism. Metaethics. Apologetics (arguments for and against God's existence). Philosophical and theological anthropology (nature of persons; human sexuality). Dr. Seuss. And, of course, Christology.

Last week I began to read Taking Religion Seriously, by Charles Murray, "arguably the most influential social scientist alive" (Jonah Goldberg).

In it, Murray shares his intellectual journey from agnosticism to exploring Christianity through scientific and historical analysis, examining consciousness, morality, and biblical scholarship.

Marriage as Between a Man and a Woman - Some Resources

 

                                                           (Leland, Michigan)

(I am re-posting this for a friend.)

Here are some blog posts I have written that relate to marriage as exclusively between a man and a woman.

The Church and Same-Sex Relationships: Changing your mind on one thing does not justify changing your mind on anything.

Addressing Same-Sex Marriage

For Jesus-Followers: How to Discuss Same-Sex Unions

Same-Sex Marriage is Not About "Marriage Equality," But About the Definition of 'Marriage'

Same-Sex Marriage Is Not About "Rights"

The Bible and Homosexuality - What Do We Do?

How to Have a Civil Discussion on Gay Marriage

What Do We Do When Loving God Conflicts with Loving Our Neighbor?

Gay Marriage and Gluttony

(More On) N T Wright on Gay Marriage

David Gushee's Failed Attempt to Affirm Same-Sex Marriage

David Gushee's "Embarrassingly Bad Exegesis"

My Views of Marriage Remain Unaffected by Ad Populum Reasoning

A Change of Affection: A Gay Man's Incredible Story of Redemption

Welcoming and Sometimes Disaffirming

To Disagree Is Not to Hate

To Love Is Not to Agree

A Letter to Christians About Gentleness and Respect

Craig Keener on Homosexuality and the Bible

The Bible Is a Heterosexual Book

"Arsenokoitais" (ἀρσενοκοίταις) in 1 Timothy 1:10 (et. al.)

Homosexuality: What About Shellfish? Or Wearing Garments with Two Kinds of Fabrics?

Should We Worry About the Sexual Behavior of Others?

***

I am against the legalization of same-sex marriage for two reasons, one religious, the other non-religious (sociological and legal).

As regards the religious reason, I do not expect non-religious people to agree with me. Of course not. Just as I don't turn to their irreligious worldview to make sense of anything, neither do I expect them to partner with me. That's the way worldviews work. Everyone has one. They do not, at significant points, overlap.

If the non-religious person objects to my religious views, they question my worldview, not my reasoning. The irreligious person is a non-player in the intra-religious and intra-Christian dialogue.

Regarding non-religious reasons, here is where the irreligious and religious can join in principled (we would hope) dialogue, rather than ad hominem stereotyping (sadly, some on both sides do this.). We can dialogue without name-calling, right?

These are a few of the resources I have read.

The Intra-Worldview Discussion

Homosexuality and the Bible: Two Views, by Dan O. Via and Robert Gagnon

The Bible and Homosexual Practice: Texts and Hermeneutics, by Robert Gagnon. This is probably the book to read, within this worldview and from this perspective.. 

Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality, by Wesley Hill.

God and the Gay Christian: The Biblical Case in Support of Same-Sex Relationships, by Matthew Vines.

Can You Be Gay and Christian? Responding with Love and Truth to Questions About Homosexuality, by Michael Brown.

See my friend Phillip Lee's website His Way Out Ministries. 

Legal and Philosophical Reasoning on Same-Sex Marriage

Why Marriage Matters, Third Edition: Thirty Conclusions from the Social Sciences, by Bradford Wilcox. 

Debating Same-Sex Marriage, by John Corvino and Maggie Gallagher.

The Meaning of Marriage: Family, State, Market, and Morals, eds. Robert P. George and Jean Bethke Elshtain.  

What is Marriage?: Man and Woman: A Defense, by Sherif Gergis, Robert P. George, and Ran T. Anderson (forthcoming Oct. 16, 2012) 

I contacted Robert George re. this issue and he graciously sent me the following links. He's also gracciously offered to field questions I have,

From Prof. George:

For a fuller account of my own views, here is the link to a more recent paper I wrote with two of my former students. (It is a free one-click download.)

“What is Marriage?” by Sherif Girgis, Robert P. George, and Ryan T. Anderson, in the Harvard Journal of Law and Public Policy:   http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1722155

Kenji Yoshino of NYU published a critique on Slate, to which there is a link in our reply, available here:  http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2010/12/2217

Andrew Koppelman of Northwestern published a critique on Balkinization, to which there is a link in our reply, available here:  http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2010/12/2263

Barry Deutsch published a critique on the Family Scholars Blog, to which there is a link in our reply, available here: http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2010/12/2277

Kenji Yoshino published a response to our reply, to which there is a link in our reply to that response, available here: http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2011/01/2295

Andrew Koppelman published a response to our reply, to which there is a link in our reply to that response, available here: http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2011/01/2350

Also, here is an essay in two parts (written with Patrick Lee and Gerard V. Bradley) on the link between procreation and marriage – a link we believe is badly misunderstood by many on both sides of the debate. Here are the links:

http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2011/03/2638 “Marriage and Procreation: The Intrinsic Link”

http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2011/03/2637 “Marriage and Procreation: Avoiding Bad
Arguments”

Prof. George also sent me:

The Good of Marriage and the Morality of Sexual Relations: some Philosophical and Historical Observations, by John Finnis.

Marriage: A Basic and Exigent Good, John Finnis.

DECLARATIONS of THANKSGIVING

(Flowers, in our green room)

DECLARATIONS of THANKSGIVING

THE SCRIPTURE

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6)

THE DECLARATIONS

• My heart is filled with thankfulness because I am encountering God’s goodness and enduring love. (1 Chronicles 16:34)
• As I listen to worship music I find I cannot stop giving thanks to God. (2 Chronicles 5:13)
• As I share with others what God is doing in my life, my gratitude overflows onto them. (Psalm 9:1)
• Today I am approaching God with thanksgiving, music, and songs. (Psalm 95:2)
• I never fail to remember how God has rescued me. (Psalm 118:21)
• Sometimes I wake in the night and find myself saying “Thank you” to God. (Psalm 119:62)
• I see God transforming deserts into gardens, causing joy and gladness to flourish in my soul. (Isaiah 51:3)
• I am being supernaturally delivered from sin and darkness. (Romans 7:25)
• I live each day with a victorious mindset. (1 Corinthians 15:57)
• An ocean of God’s grace is overwhelming me, causing an overflow of thanksgiving that glorifies God. (2 Corinthians 4:15)
• God is using me to supply the needs of the Lord’s people, resulting in many expressions of thanks to God. (2 Corinthians 9:12)
• As I remember my brothers and sisters my soul is saturated with prayers of thanks for them. (Ephesians 1:16)

(Special thanks to Steve Backlund.)